emotions

pretty eyes,

 shedding tears, 

looking forlorn,

 gripped with fears,

 thinking hard and long,

 trying to be strong,

 but miserably failing,

 empty soul,

 broken hearted.

despair and gloom anew started..

 cry for help...

 pitying self..

 goodbye forever.

peaceful nights and happy days... 

this is love and this is hate..

Cone of silence part-2(continued)

Sam is dead... the voice whispered. she could not understand. it was like her brain had slowed down and stopped processing information. her ears were ringing so loud it was like the words uttered were her own imagination and not heard beyond the ringing. How can you hear with all the ringing? All of a sudden she woke up. The phone was ringing on her lap. She quickly takes the mobile and looks at the screen. Relief floods her as the name displaying on the screen was Sam. Warm flood of emotion rushed through her when she saw the name. A single tear dropped from her left eye to her cheek. She quickly pressed the green button that would connect the call and put the phone on her ear and said a little breathlessly "Hello". "Hey sweetie sorry I could not call earlier, I was in meeting till about half hour ago. So was sup? said Sam. She just melted hearing his warm gentle and loving voice. It was funny whenever she heard his voice it always seemed to be tender and warm and like a caress to her. "Hello Ann, you there?". "Sam, yes I am here. Sorry I just was thinking about something." She said, not wanting to betray her thoughts."I hope about me and not some good for nothing Romeo outside your street that you may be having a thing for? Came back the naughty and teasing rejoinder from her funny lovable Sam. " Of course  I was thinking of the Romeo outside my street! How on earth did you know? Can you read minds too?" She said joining in on their banter and enjoying every minute of it." Well don't worry when I come home ill fix him good. Anyways just wanted to let you know I am coming home tomorrow" he said in a very calm and nonchalant way. The next moment Ann squealed like a teenage girl and caught the mobile with both hands and excitedly like a school girl repeated his last words," coming home tomorrow!!??!" "ha ha ha ha" Sam kept laughing at her excitement."Sam you really gonna be here? Right? You are not joking are you?" Ann demanded seriously. "Yup i am. Unless you don't want me to?" he asked mischievously. She could just picture the crooked smile and the twinkling eye at that moment. " Of course I want you here. What time? Should I come pick you up? What time is your flight?" " No sweetie, ill take a cab you just stay home like a good wife and prepare a nice meal for me" there was a muffled sound like a snort. She could not believe it. He was making fun of her. He knew she could not cook at all. " she said Oh yes definitely! Ill make a seven course meal for you husband". " Uh oh, I better make sure Doc is free tomorrow, we might need his services." quipped Sam. " Sam shut up just get here OK. Soon!" Ann said emotionally. "Will do sweetie, love you got to go,bye." "Bye." Ann said and the call got disconnected.
She sat for sometime on the chair near the book case and reflected on her relationship with Sam. Her sweet husband of 2 years. Suddenly she remembered her dream and shuddered. She was glad that horrible dream was over. She could not understand why she dreamt that dream. She decided to order a pizza and watch an old movie. But somehow the essence of the dream still hung on her. She got a weird feeling on the pit of her stomach, something akin to an inexplicable fear, a queasy feeling that the dream was not a dream but a premonition.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

cone of silence

the girl looked out the window..she could see it was getting dark..she was wondering what to do.. should she call or should she wait.. he had said he would call her.. she decided to wait for 10 mins more.. she took the seat at the far corner near the book case and began reading the book she had earlier picked out.. time slowly passed her by... every few minutes she would look at the clock hanging on the wall in front of her.. a rather modern looking wall clock.. square with its arms dragging slowly around the clock..her mobile was set to ring and she had increased the volume so she could hear it although it was right in front of her on the coffee table.. she kept glancing at the clock and then at the phone.. after a few mins she picked up her mobile and started pressing the buttons to see if her phone was working correctly.. she saw that it was..she dialed his number..then erased it.. she could not ever decide if she should or should not call him.. experience had taught her that if she did it only made him irritated and they would have one of their fights again...well.. she decided.. firmly admonishing herself for being scared like a little girl.. and dialed his number... she was just about to punch in the green call button that would connect the call when suddenly her phone rang..she checked the mobile screen which was displaying an unknown number.. she picked it up thinking it would be one of those promotional calls.. even before she could say hello.. the voice on the other end whispered something that made the word stuck to her throat....just three words the voice had uttered..SAM IS DEAD....

(TO BE CONTINUED)

frustration

hard work, smart work,
all kinds of work
doing it like this,
doing it like that
one step forward
two steps back
dancing to an unknown tune,
feeling blue,
feeling low,
feeling like a fool,

frustration, frustration
all round disappointment,
crippling, strong resentment
irritation, irritation
need a vacation
need a salvation

work work more work,
no end in sight
trying with all might
one step forward
two steps back
dancing to an unknown tune
feeling blue,
feeling low,
feeling like a fool.

regret...

regret is a funny thing... everyone has regrets.. but we still do things that lead us to regrets.. but in my case.. i know i am going to regret it later but i still go ahead and do it.. why am i so screwed up? today i made the biggest mistake of my life.. i am such a hopeless hoper... always i regret my decisions yet i continue to make the same mistake.. a very vicious cycle..that i perpetrate and harbor...i need to make good decisions.. without regrets............

A new beginning!

Today is a new beginning of my life. I make a fresh start on life. I am removing all the clutter and garbage and introducing a new focus, determination and sense of responsibility in my life and mindset. The past couple of months felt like a dark abyss, with no direction I was almost lost. But through perseverance and a friend's guidance as well as through some soul searching I have managed to emerge like a phoenix.

It was necessary to remove and change certain aspects of my life so that I could grasp a fresh start. I am now filled with enthusiasm and zeal. The clouds of despair and emptiness have dissipated and the rays of a new life are shimmering on me now. All I have to do is to cling on to this hope that has surged up in me. I have to be diligent and work extra hard.

Now i will change the form of my life; carve it into something magnificent. And all it requires is hard work, patience, diligence and determination with perseverance. Seems like a lot but it is actually not. Every person is born with these skills. Habit, lifestyle make us choose which of our qualities- good or bad , we display. It is all about choice. Fate is just a pseudonym for bad choices.

No one can live your life for you. Same way all your decisions are causative of the life and circumstances you are in. Shaping your life for better is entirely your responsibility. It only requires a change of mindset and attitude and a will to work towards something good.

It will be a battle against temptations- to fall back into your previous life, but now I know better. I know I need to do this. And I will give it my best.

meeting an old friend..

i met an old friend.. we have not seen each other for a long time.. it was good seeing him.. we spent the entire day today along with another friend of mine.. we went window shopping and tried on dress after dress.. i did not like anything.. so did not buy anything.. lemme tell you if u are a hefty gal like me.. well your chances of getting a one piece dress is very limited.. all you can hope for is a dress that does not make you look weird.. my friend was sweet told me that i looked hot in every one.. and i know he was not hitting on me because he just broke up with his gal..

shopping is excruciating for fat girls like me.. nothing fits.. and whatever fits doesn't look good.. or isn't hep enough.. in the end all i bought was shoes.. really pretty, low heeled( another negative of being fat is you cant buy high heels as you cant wear them for long..) red colored shoes. i really love them... well anyways the quest for a dress is going on.. tomorrow is another day..

my friend is a very comic guy.. and sweet too.. its a pity can not meet him tomorrow as he is here for his brothers wedding.. well lets see what happens..